Tuesday, March 16, 2010
i just don't know anymore
i have hit a point in my life where i don't really know what i want out of it, i don't know what i'm doing, and not a whole lot makes sense. i still hold the principles that i was taught and that i taught to people while serving an LDS mission dear to me heart, but i just kinda feel lost, like i'm just going through the motions of things without really thinking about it, its as if life is almost robotic. right now i sit here in question if the path that i have chosen is the correct way that i should be going. I'm unhappy with myself and my academic choices, i have always been told that I am my worst enemy, i finally see how true that is, my unhappiness and disappointment is a direct result of my actions, there are so many things that i could and should be doing with my time, but i like the drive and motivation to really do much of anything. i always sit here knowing that my successes in life are due to the man upstairs looking out for me as long as i have the drive to do things and accomplish those things that i have committed to. It seems as if i am in a bit of a rut, well I would be living a lie if i told myself i wasn't. sometimes the pressures in life are just too much, I'm just glad that my parents realize that my brother and i are two completely different people with our own struggles, sometimes i feel like they compare me to him, don't get me wrong, my brother is my best friend; i would have been lost for good a long time ago if it was not for him. I just hope that one day ill be able to look back at this time in my life and realize that it really wasn't so bad. i just reflect too much and am too hard on myself.
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I have the same problem man. I keep deciding to major in this and that and just change my mind all the time. Thats why with this latest major I am just sticking to it and hoping for the best. Its natural to feel like you are in a rut. Especially when your energy is being used up by school work and stress. However to be completely honest with you, you are hands down the nicest kid I know and if you ever need anything at anytime let me know. If your bored this weekend or anytime just give me a call. We can go do whatever. I think the key to feeling like you are getting something out of life is just to let go on a regular basis and just do something fun.
ReplyDeleteYou have the strongest testimony I have ever heard. It always makes me super emotional when you talk about your feelings for the church because I know you know it. We have similar backgrounds and yeah I just look up to you a lot.
The way I see it you are always in a position where you can get the most out of life that you want, which is always easier said then done but if you think you aren't doing as well as you'd like its because you are being to hard on yourself. I think you are doing great and if you want something more in your life just decide on it and do what you have to do to get it. anyway, this is probably the longest comment of all time so I am going to stop now.